worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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