FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pants are for mortals
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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