I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
