I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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