shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize