I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
