he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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