Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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