hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
