I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
