Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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