I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
