it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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