I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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