ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
