How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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