He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
