I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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