i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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