Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
