I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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