my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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