people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Randomize
