No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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