Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
