i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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