I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
