You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Im part way to drunk.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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