what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize