If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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