I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
