The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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