11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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