Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
