I'm pants shitting drunk right now
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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