I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.