i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She told me I should be a condom model.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.