i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am