Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.