Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Life without a bra equals bliss.