i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.