you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."