your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers