well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
