So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
