Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
