Life is so much better after having sex.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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