Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
