We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
