Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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