508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
