Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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