How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
