She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
