Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
