Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
