He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
