I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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