Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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