dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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