omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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