someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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