I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
