I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
