I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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