so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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