i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
