You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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