I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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