Don't you send me to vm
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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