My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
