plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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