my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
