You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
