I need help removing her.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
