I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
