I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My dick has a subreddit
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
