I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
