Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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