Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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