I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
