How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
