Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
