wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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