STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
