i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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