Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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