There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
