Just cropdusted the office
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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