K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
